Help! I Eat The Same Amount As My Partner and We’re The Same Size!
I looked at my empty plate and realized I had eaten exactly as much as he had, plus more.
And I had eaten a snack just an hour earlier.
And maybe an hour before that?
Mentally calculating all the calories I had ingested within the past day, I found myself shamefully adding up just how mad I should be at myself for eating more than my male friend.
Even though he was just a friend, I associated men with being the ones with the bigger appetite. Ever since I was a teenager, I was told to always leave some food on my plate when I’m with a guy. It’s the petite and polite thing to do. Oh, and it makes you more of a “mystery” too.
This lesson not only stuck with me on dates, but also in private. I always needed to leave food on my plate whenever I went out to eat or cooked at home, even if I was alone.
To this day, I will leave just one bite of food left in a Tupperware container instead of putting the whole thing on a plate to be reheated.
Only within the past year have I started to eat my whole plate fearlessly and without regret. I’ve realized that my body needs nourishment, and some days it’s more and some days it’s less. I’ll only be able to eat the “right amount” if I actually learn to trust my body to do so.
After a year or more of allowing my body to eat exactly what it needs, I’ve found myself eating my entire plate with a man on more than one occasion. In fact, on many occasions. Recently, I was traveling with a male friend who’s about my size with a smaller appetite than me (granted, most of our time together he wasn’t feeling too well so he ate less).
I’ve never dated a man long-term who is my size or smaller, but after some of the experiences I had with my friend, I know I can relate to what it’s like to feel self-conscious about eating more.
I began to realize that every time we finished a meal together, I would analyze my plate versus his. Why I took precious time out of my life to do this, I don’t know. But my instincts took over and I immediately felt the need to calculate just how much more I ate than him so that I would know how guilty I needed to feel.
Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we feel the need to make ourselves smaller (literally and metaphorically) than our male counterparts? Do we not also have bodies that need nourishment? Do we not also have muscles, tissue, bones, ligaments, and massive energy requirements?
Need I remind you, both males and females are in charge of equipping our bodies with enough fuel to finish the most mundane of tasks to the most strenuous of challenges. Both genders face the stresses of every day life.
In certain periods of life, females need to eat much more, such as during pregnancy, metabolic recovery, athletics and PCOS, but should that mean those are the only time we deserve to eat “more”?
Absolutely not.
You never need a license to fuel your body according to what you think you need or want.
If you’re with a man that has the same appetite as you, here are 3 reasons why this should never be a concern in your life.
1. You have different bodies.
Your needs are not his needs.
You have your own unique genetic make-up that requires a certain amount of calories to function, and at certain times of the day you may need more energy than at other times.
You might be taller than your significant other. You may weigh more than your significant other. You may be more or less active than your significant other.
If any of those situations are the case (or any that I didn’t mention), I’m telling you right now that you do not need any sort of permission slip to eat more than a man.
Your caloric intake has no guidelines or measurements for “normal.” There is no normal.
You’re not “on track” if you eat less than your partner. Your partner’s plate is not a measurement for your own dietary success. His plate is just that, his plate. And depending on what time of day it is, what he ate yesterday, how he’s feeling, and so many other factors, he may eat more or less than you. And so be it!
You don’t need a permission slip to eat exactly what you need at any given moment. #intuitiveeating
2. Your body has its own routine.
My clients come to me often upset about needing a sweet nighttime snack even though their partner didn’t “need” one. Oh, the comparison trap!
First off, our bodies sometimes crave particular things simply because they are used to getting them at certain times. I have always been a peanut butter lover, so my body expects to have it daily. My last boyfriend would have never be found in the kitchen holding a peanut butter jar with a spoon digging around, whereas I would be found doing this daily.
On the flip side, he had eating behaviors that I didn’t, such as eating three sandwiches in a row for lunch. We would never synchronize our weird food desires, but nor did we want to. They are unique to each of us.
3. You have health at your own size.
It’s coincidence that you and your partner have the same appetite and are the same size. It’s not a problem that needs fixing. It simply is what it is.
Regardless of his size, you can (or already do) have health at the size you are at right now. Eating less than he does serves what purpose besides falling deep into society’s trap of perfection?
Society will constantly tell you what it means to be a woman, so it’s up to you to be able to call out the constant BS thrown your way. Your eating habits have nothing to do with being a woman.
On top of that, your size doesn’t dictate whom you are allowed to date or marry. I’ve worked with many women who have gone against the grain and dated men smaller than them, and it’s always brought them a sense of empowerment. Society can’t tell you who is socially acceptable to date unless you give it that power.
Men are masculine at every size in the same way that women are feminine at every size. I understand that being masculine or feminine isn’t a priority for many people, but the same rule applies for whatever quality you desire. A man can be feminine at any size, or a woman can be masculine; any person can be creative, smart, helpful, caring, and loved at any size.
Men are masculine at every size in the same way women are feminine at every size…or vice versa.
How or what you eat will never determine “how much” of a human being you are, and it should certainly never get in the way of a relationship that is worth pursuing.
Disclosure: for the sake of this post, I use the traditional verbiage of man + woman, but I respect every person’s individual choices. I do not intend to exclude any other type of partnership, so please use this post to inspire you in whatever type of relationship you are in.
Are you with a partner that is your size or smaller? Have you worked through an insecurity around your appetite? Share below!