5 Problems In The Polarity World

I have some news to share which may come as a surprise...

I like(d?) polarity and I’m also sick of it.

The same way I’m spiritual and also comedic about it.

Two things can exist at once. You are allowed to live in nuance.

I have no intention of writing about the pitfalls of polarity all the time - but in order to get back into alignment with myself there are things I need say so I can move forward.

There are truths I need to proclaim.

Because I need to get them out.

So I can see what’s next.

If you have found yourself feeling mistreated, confused, small or weakened by these teachings I don’t think it’s by accident.

And I also don’t think it’s fully on purpose.

Again, nuance.

There has always been an entity at play ever since the matriarchal societies, looking to siphon the feminines power. It just keeps getting repackaged.

HERE ARE 5 PROBLEMS OCCURRING WITHIN THE POLARITY WORLD:

#1. THE FEMININE WANTS LOVE AND THE MASCULINE WANTS FREEDOM

While at first this made sense to me, I now see that it creates a lot of deeply unnecessary tension. And magically justifies that tension.

I have witnessed many men go into this work being totally secure and then leave this work believing it's in their nature to desire freedom more than love (thereby becoming avoidant).

I have also witnessed women go into this work being content with their desire for love, and leave this work feeling an unquenchable longing for more and more love (thereby becoming anxious). Do men want freedom? Yes. Do women long? Yes. Do men long? Yup. Do women want freedom? Yup. And many teachers of polarity admit that this is the case, but each workshop and post still centers on the man wanting freedom and the woman wanting love, even if they quietly admit the opposite is also true. It doesn't get actual air time.

Polarity is based on opposition, so again, it makes sense we are looking at opposition, but at the same time they're creating issues just so they can solve them.

Taking men who don't really need freedom and making them believe they need more freedom only to help them relax in "ever present freedom."

Taking women who don't feel painfully empty, telling them that longing is their core truth and then help them find a way to express their bottomless pit of longing with practice given by teacher. Unnecessary tension + opposition.

#2. MEN TEACHING WOMEN HOW TO OPEN

In theory this is sexy. And even in reality, it can be nice. And yet.... I can't help but wonder, how many men are teaching women how to open because they despise her closure? It's more than you or I know.

Anytime spirituality is being mixed with sexuality, we especially as women need to take a massive magnifying glass to the person teaching us. Are they living their teachings, or are you having to say "separate the teacher from the teaching?" when you see how they live their work.

Do not separate the teacher from the teaching when it comes to your sexuality. Better yet, learn from other women the art of opening just as we did in the temples. We opened each other. We created safety together. We mirrored each other's stories, bodies and myths. I will never - ever - go to a man to train me in the art of sexual opening.

I've seen and learned enough to know that is not going to take me into the root of my own body. If it's part of your path, please be discerning as all fuck. Separate the taboo of it from the truth of it. Don't learn from someone cause they're sexy, you have a crush on them or you like their accent. This is how you re-traumatize your body's opening, because they will, without fail, not know how the feminine opens. Even if you get a few nuggets working with them - it will not give you the deepest understanding of your own nature (and it might even take you away from it unknowingly for years).

#3. THE FEMININE SHOULD USE SOUNDS, NOT WORDS

At the beginning of last year, I started making comedic reels about "evoking the masculine" through feminine expression because I thought it was incredibly fun. What I didn't realize is that for some people in polarity, this is not just a tool. This is a way of life and should be abided by. Particularly, men feeling this way towards women.

When I actually began to experience this in real life, I was confused. "Yes, that's a way to express yourself as the feminine but.... it's just for fun right?" On multiple occasions I have been reprimanded for saying "no," for being too blunt in my desires, and for asking for what I wanted in bed. I didn't even realize as this was happening.

Eventually, I started to find creative ways to get my needs met, ask for what I wanted or protect the peace. This is called fawning. What's even more confusing is that this is happening behind the scenes in many relationships that are built on polarity - even though polarity - on the outside - encourages women to claim their no.

The fact that there are teachings like this out there in the world now scare me because I know it's not just a tool for many. It's a way of life. And it's the patriarchy.

#4. THE FEMININE IS THE DEVOTIONAL ONE

Women trust deeply. And it’s why so many swoon over this work. They have ample devotion and desire a place to put it. But what starts as a mere interest in igniting their devotion more turns into an infatuation + disabling obsession with contorting to the rules.

“How can I ask for what I want without leading?”

“How do I lead with my desire instead of complain?” “How do I embody the devotional role better?”

“How can I better express with my facial expressions instead of using my words?”

Teachers give techniques and answers to these question, which only makes the problem worse. What we really need are teachers saying, LEAD, COMPLAIN, USE YOUR WORDS, WOMAN!

There are many women out there that are meant to lead their partnership, and yes, they will still be feminine. In fact, they may even attract a more trustworthy man because they are two people owning both their leadership and their devotion, without contorting to any particular role (especially when it's unjustified).

Not every man deserves your devotion. And if you think you're meant to be the devotional one, nearly every man will receive that honor way before they have proved themselves worthy of it.

Devotion is earned, not required.

#5. CLOSURE IS A WITHHOLD OF LOVE

Closure can be a STAND for love. A woman's closure can be her - and her relationship's - number one compass in love. When a woman's "no" arises, it means there is also a yes somewhere. And to listen to the "no" means to slow down and pay attention to

1.) what's off

2.) what needs to be done to get back in integrity and

3.) what steps need to be taken to return to love.

To label a woman's closure as wrong or selfish is to immediately gaslight her body, shame her body's intelligence and take control over her wisdom. This has been one of the most damaging practices in my life personally, and now I can see it at face value - it's simply another way to dominate and control women. Because yes, a woman's closure can be undelightful to a man who doesn't have time for that. So what better way to get her to open than to make an entire practice out of her opening past her closure because that's "real love?"

To be clear, I agree that we don't have that much time here on earth and it's important to return to love. Yes, of course. But the closure isn't the enemy to that return to love - it's the lack of patience and curiosity around the closure. And forcing her to open with her "radiance" is going to do the opposite.

I, for one, will take a stand for your closure, woman. Your body, your pace.

THERE ARE MORE...

But I'm still processing them. It's been a straight 8 months of processing them. When I've sometimes wanted to write posts every single day about this stuff, I've waited to refine what I want to share - and it's still very much in the refining stages.

I'm not throwing out feminine embodiment, expression or revealing or taking back anything I've taught about intimacy. And I'm not saying that all polarity teachers are to be avoided!

I know some highly integral beings teaching this work. I'm just calling in much deeper discernment. Choose what resonates with YOU - including the teachings and the teachers. And please, be aware when teachers are creating problems just so that they can be the ones who fix them.

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