The Curse of the “After Picture”
Today we have a guest post by body image activist Lizzie Merritt of LizzieMerritt.com. Her message is simple: to help people feel good about shining their own light. Sometimes we need to know that our message and purpose is needed in this world. Lizzie is not afraid to let other men and women experience vulnerability because it’s in these moments that we find ourselves understanding the importance of our voices.
Today, I’m excited to share Lizzie’s voice because she preaches a message so dear to my heart. Enjoy.
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About 6 years ago, my husband came home one day and said, “I want to try XYZ at-home fitness program, where you work out in your living room in front of a DVD.”
I had been an athlete my whole life, and I certainly appreciated the need for maintaining one’s fitness. But our youngest child was only four months old. So when he said, “I think you should do it with me,” I said, “You’re crazy” (with a slightly hysterical edge to my laugh.)
Well, perhaps my husband missed his calling as salesman, because by the second day, I was lunging and squatting and curling with him at 5:27am.
Pretty soon, I was hooked.
We took “before pictures” and measurements. We started eating better. I began to see some progress.
However, as we got closer to the end of our 90 day program, I grew frustrated. I still looked nothing like the “after pictures” included in the program’s literature.
Fast forward 4 years. I continued to exercise at home, and I was coaching fitness. I tried countless different diets in an effort to achieve that damn “after picture”.
On the outside, I had a strong, healthy body.
On the inside, I felt like a failure.
Perfection Isn’t Perfect
It was years later when I saw a documentary that showed how pictures can be altered to do the “before and after” pictures of one person in the SAME DAY. If you are interested, here is a good video of one guy who debunks the before/after picture myth.
As disillusioning as this is, it’s not even the worst part.
The after picture is really just a microcosm of our society’s viewpoint as a whole. We (especially women) receive the same message from different sources, countless times a day.
The message is: “YOU ARE NOT GOOD ENOUGH. If you want to be “good enough”, just torture yourself to look like this fake picture, and then you will be happy.”
Guess what. IT’S A BIG, FAT LIE.
Happiness Doesn’t Meet Us at the Finish Line
The more dissatisfied I became with my body, the more I began to think, “There has got to be more to it than this. There must be more to the equation than just food and exercise.”
It turns out, there is a LOT MORE.
I researched everything from body image to limiting beliefs, to happiness and behavioral psychology. I began to realize that I had placed my happiness, my WORTH, on that after picture.
So often, we tell ourselves, “I’ll be happy when ..…”
We attach our happiness to a success marker. The problem is that once we cross that finish line of success, the line quickly moves out ahead of us, on to the next goal.
If we think we will be happy once we achieve success, and success is constantly moving ahead of us, then we never get to be happy.
It’s All in Your Head
No matter how many weights you lift or how lean you get, you will still be imperfect.
Yep, forever.
If you choose to put the power of approval in someone else’s hands, (a contest judge, a boyfriend, the world) then you will always be reaching for something just out of reach.
Happiness doesn’t meet you at the finish line because that is not where it lives. Like Dorothy and her ruby slippers, you have the power to access the happiness that is already inside you.
But you have to CHOOSE it.
The key is found in allowing yourself to be the sole owner of your body’s approval.
It is terrifying and empowering.
As Marianne Williamson says,
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
When we criticize our bodies, either to ourselves or to others, we shrink. We make ourselves small.
The way to SHINE is to let go of the limitations of “perfect.” The pathway to brilliance is to love yourself NOW.
3 Simple Steps
Ok, I’ll admit. As inspiring as Marianne Williamson is, I wish there was a “How To” manual for letting go of body insecurities. After all, most of us have been nurturing those insecurities for a LONG time.
So here are some simple things you can practice to get you in the habit of loving your body NOW.
In the morning, before you get out of bed, think of one thing you are grateful for that your body allows you to experience. Maybe you appreciate the softness of the sheets, the warmth of someone you love next to you, the feeling of a great big stretch in the morning. Your body your vehicle for experiencing life.
As you are going to sleep at night, think of one good thing your body enabled you to experience today. The warmth of the sunshine, the feel of your dog’s soft fur, a hug, a smile, a great workout, whatever!
This is THE biggie. Any time you catch yourself with a negative thought, (“These pants are tight;” “I look tired;” “I’m a terrible cook”) immediately forgive yourself for the thought.
Then, try to think of one thing that you love to do. Do you love reading, gardening, having coffee with friends? Appreciate the fact that your body (yes, just the way it is!) lets you do ALL of those things.
What do YOU think is the best by-product of letting go of body insecurities? (Even if it is just a little bit?) I would love to read your thoughts in the comments below.
Lizzie Merritt, M.Ed. uses her experience as a former science teacher and a fitness professional to write about weight loss psychology and positive psychology on her blog. She is the author of 7 Ways to Willpower (available on Amazon.) You can click here to get your copy of her FREE special report, 23 Simple Weight Loss Hacks.