How My Insecurities Led Me to Prison- by Mansal Denton
As I sit to write this piece about insecurities, it’s as if the part of myself I used to call “ugly” has pulled up a chair to collaborate on the article. I have been bleeding and spilling my guts all over the interwebs and somehow it has made my insecurities seem a lot friendlier.
Like myself, many men have insecurities, but our culture considers it “bad” or “shameful” to display them. Instead, confidence is valued by having something tangible or an achievement, such as a huge social circle, money, or physique. A bigger part of confidence, I now realize, is being comfortable with what I lack.
When I was in high school, I lacked a relationship or a belief in myself. That led me directly to an arrest, conviction, and imprisonment.
The Stories We Tell Ourselves
We are all our own worst critic. Living in a predominantly white neighborhood, the fact I was only half white made me feel inferior. I was a brownie and a minority. Who could love me?
Even my best friends would make jokes, but they didn’t register as jokes. They registered as the truth even though I thought it was funny, laughed, and considered them all good friends. They did not mean for me to take their jokes harshly, but because my own nonwhite mother made racial comments so frequently, I internalized it.
Worse than the racial issue was the sweating. Oh dear god, the sweating. My hands could sweat like faucets, I had to be careful with my shirts or else pit stains would be huge. I tried desperately to hide it, but in doing so I only made things worse. A few people who commented about how nasty it was made sure I never forgave myself and knew with every fiber of my being that no woman would accept me.
Feeling Loved and Accepted
When a beautiful young white woman in Switzerland did show me affection and attention, I felt instantly loved and accepted. We spoke for over a year and as an 18 year old who had never had a real relationship, I was willing to do anything it took to be with her.
Unfortunately, that meant stealing historical artifacts from a small local museum where I was working. In order to pay for my trip to Switzerland, I committed the crime and was arrested and imprisoned for 6 months for it.
I now find solace in wise words from Brandon Epstein that everybody is doing the best that they can with what they have been given. Everybody wants to feel loved and accepted in some way and it sometimes motivates us all in ways that we wish it wouldn’t.
Awareness and Acceptance
The acceptance of what is is the precondition of change. I am not fully white. I am sweaty. I am okay with that. By coming into an awareness of our thought patterns and insecurities we can keep them in front of us at all times. My insecurities will never be gone, but I can accept them with a nonjudgmental friendly embrace as they pull up a chair and work side by side with me. Here are a few of the things I do to reduce the impact my insecurities have on my life:
1. Be aware of insecurities and emotions, but don’t judge them.
One of the worst things you can do when trying to overcome insecurities is judge them as “bad” or “wrong”. Try to be an objective observer of the action and the motivations and slowly you will come to terms with it. If you feel depressed and eat unhealthy foods, recognize the action and be aware of the emotions that caused it, but don’t judge it. You are doing the best you can with what you have been given.
2. Reframe your existence with gratitude
From a logical and outside perspective, your life might look awesome even when in your head it feels like a hurricane. By having a gratitude practice, such as listing everything you are grateful for once a day, you will be more likely to reframe the things going on in your life. It can reverse a negative spiral of thoughts and put you on a happier mental path. Like any practice, it should be done regularly!
3. Talk about insecurities to give them less power
The more you talk about your insecurities the less they become insecurities. The very fact that you acknowledge and point them out to others makes their power diminish slowly. The more uncomfortable the situation when you do it (such as telling strangers versus best friends) the better it can be for reducing your insecurities. Know your boundaries and respect yourself, but putting yourself on your edge can greatly reduce the power insecurities have over you.
About the Author:
Mansal Denton is a mindful entrepreneur launching Hyperion Strength, which is a brand of scientifically backed supplements to improve cognitive and physical performance