The Deepest Intimacy with Clothes On- Instagram Post Roundup
Summer is here!!! New York is quite a place to be during the summer, I'm discovering, but she's a beaut. Open french doors, cafes galore, bike rides and picnics. Amongst those yummy features is a whole host of the opposite-- stinky trash on the side walk, humidity, yelling neighbors and crammed subway rides. Life is always about polarity-- whether we are looking at the Masculine and Feminine, the Light and the Dark, the Yin and the Yang. Life is all about harmonizing everything, and not buying into the idea we are supposed to be one thing the whole time.
Even though it's gorgeous time of the year, I'm finding myself indoors a lot at the moment. The intensity of this eclipse has been PROFOUND for me, and my body has been craving to feel a "womb safety" which means, staying inside a bit more.
Wherever you're at in life, embrace it. Make room for it. You'll be in a new season soon enough.
Now, time for an Instagram roundup....here are some of my most popular posts over the last month.
Saying you feel “off” automatically insinuates that you have an “on.”
What if, instead of saying you feel off, you get really crystal clear about what you‘re literally feeling— both emotionally and physiologically.
My hands feel shaky right now. My breath is a bit shallow. I have anxiety.
My mind is racing. My confidence feels a little low. I’m wondering if you miss me.I don’t want to leave the house today. I feel really tired. I’m craving to nest and feel the comfort of my home.
This is so YOU get to know your own body. Getting to know your cycle, your hormones, and your hunger queues aren’t the only rhythms that need attention. Your daily sensations need just as much, if not more, deep diving.
People are always asking me about how they can tune into their intuition, and well— here it is. Start realizing what your body is doing. Is it shaky? Firm? Soft? Rigid? Is your breath deep? Shallow? Short? Long? Is your mind racing? Calm? Clear?
When you start combining your bodily queues with whatever you already know is present in your life (my confidence feels bleh! I feel bloated! I am sad my boyfriend hasn’t texted me!) it makes for a really powerful combo.
If you want to try this, here’s my suggestion to you: find a friend who is down to swap ONE daily text with each other where you share these simple statements. “My body is XX. My mind is XX. I feel XX…” and that’s it. One text a day. TAG THEM.
Get those training wheels on. Let me know how it goes. 🔥🌟
Five traits of any successful coach or entrepreneurial teacher:
✨ A Willingness to Invest: building a website that performs costs money. Getting a logo costs money. Getting an LLC costs money. Income tax is money. Getting certifications cost money. Coaching costs money. Therapy costs money. A laptop costs money. Investing is your BFF in the world of entrepreneurship, love, and it’s not spending money for spending money’s sake. It’s a tool for getting ahead, going bigger and making moves that will reward you in both the short and long term. ONE big investment can be made back within a day if it does its job.
✨Learning Along the Way: in a dream world, all entrepreneurs would be born with a blueprint— but alas, it’s very rarely the case. You can either wait until someone tells you exactly what to do...or you can give it a shot and see how it goes. Announce your retreat dates and thennnn plan curriculum. Write your blog posts and thennnn get the site up. Start your Instagram and thennnn figure out the content. DON’T WAIT.
✨Changing Course: you’re going to evolve. Your website is going to need a revamp. Your messaging is going to change. Your beliefs are going to change. You’re going to realize you like one thing over another. Rather than getting frustrated by these changes, get EXCITED and dare I say, even proud. It means you’re evolving!
✨A Desire to Lead: leading doesn’t always look like creating an empire or coming out with a controversial opinion. Sometimes it means holding boundaries with clients or lovingly calling them into higher standards for themselves. Leading can look like humility or bravery. Leading can merely be setting the time/place for your client calls rather than leaving it up to them. It’s the subtleties.
✨Perseverance: maybe the most important of all is your willingness to show up. With each Instagram post, podcast, email, coaching session, YouTube video, blog post or phone call you know you’re doing this work unconditionally. If you only set out to be an entrepreneur to get likes, fame or even clients, you’re gunna be set up for 💔. Do whatever you do because it’s fun— and then, perseverance will be a no brainer.
Some of the deepest sex can be experienced with clothes on.
In fact, my favourite place to be these days is sitting in a chair, across from a conscious human, holding eye contact and breathing together.
It’s when I feel the most held, the most filled, the most seen.
The most protected, the most vulnerable, the most open.
Intimacy is not about taking clothes off and getting off. It’s about slowing down, connecting deeply, synchronizing as one and remaining present.
It’s hard work. It’s rewarding work. And as they say, “SO GOOD, ITS ‘RUINED!’ ME FOREVER!” because now, the bar for intimacy is gloriously high...up in the heavens. 🙃
When you can’t physically walk away from a relationship, allow yourself to emotionally walk away.
The question I received in my DMs the other day was...How can I walk away from a toxic relationship when kids are involved and I will need to see him during visitation arrangements?
Here’s what I would offer to anyone in this situation: get really clear on what you’re a yes to…and get really clear on what you’re a no to. And set the terms.
For example, you may be really clear that you’re a yes to….1.) Being in the presence of the father to your child for the sake of letting your child see you two together. 2.) Having 10 minute maximum phone calls. 3.) Seeing the father of your child for one hour per week with minimum conversation 4.) Having this relationship in your life as a choice because you choose this path rather than your child not having their father around. 5.) Being cordial but not being caring.
Then, get really clear on what you’re a no to….1.) Spending longer than 10 minutes on the phone to schedule visitations 2.) Sharing details about your life 3.) Any kind of sleepovers 4.) The sharing of your personal lives. 5.) Favors of any kind that do not include your child— and are absolutely necessary.
One way we can look at this is “boundaries” but I’m feeling this word is getting too over-used so I encourage you to go even deeper into both your yes and no. And then? Understand that every boundary— EVERY BOUNDARY— is a self-boundary. Meaning, these things are up to you to implement. Nobody else. Set the ground rules and then implement/respect them. If you don’t, who will?
Lastly, much of this comes down to emotionally walking away and no longer seeing the relationship dynamic as something you want to put an emotional investment into. Don’t try to fix anything, to change anyone, to become anyone different for the sake of him/her. You’ve learned that’s not going to happen— and also, please remember, it’s not your job or fault.
We can often trick ourselves into thinking, “But if I only try a little harder!” or we feel guilty for “giving up” but in reality, it’s self-respect…and letting go of co-dependency is always the healthiest thing to do.
Communication— and I mean REAL, straight forward, honest, communication— goes such a long way. It has the power to HEAL both your nervous system and the nervous system of those you are in relation with. Here are some examples:
✨If you‘re going to call someone at 11 AM and it ends up looking like it will need to be later, shoot a simple text saying “hey I need to push back our call between 5 and 10 minutes, does that work for you?”
✨If someone says something that triggers you, first allow yourself to breathe deep in your belly to come back to the present moment. Second, tell them how you feel in your body. For example, “Love, I’m noticing that my breath is becoming shallow and I’m feeling a bubbling of anxiety. I think what you said hurt some part of my heart. I’m realizing that there’s something within your statement I want to look at.”
✨If you feel anxious about someone not responding to your texts or spending much time with you, share with them YOUR experience. For example, “I know you’ve got a lot going on right now... AND I really miss you. Would you be a yes to me throwing a five minute temper tantrum, revealing how it feels to not have all of you alllll day long?! (If they say yes, continue to hop on FT and give your temper tantrum ALL YOU’VE GOT and leave it there.)
✨And then, there are ways we can do this on the most basic level. If you’re sitting in a car on a road trip and your mind is making up stories that nobody loves you, you can simply speak up and say, “My mind is making up stories that nobody loves me. I would really love some praise from you right now.”
See how CLEAN all of this communication is? No guessing, no manipulating, no withholding. Being clear and clean in your communication is a gift to everyone..and 💯a gift to yourself.
Opening your heart to love does not mean handing over your heart for love.
Love is the act of extending your capacity to cherish and adore another through connection and presence without losing the love you hold for yourself.
Sometimes love means marriage, sometimes it means friendship and sometimes it means sending someone positive energy without speaking a word to them ever again.
Romantically speaking, the greatest teacher we will have is learning how to love even through loss. How to love ourselves even when we hurt from heartbreak. How to love life even when we feel pain.
Love really is always the answer. 🥰🌹🔥
This weekend I experienced my fourth Art of Fearless Intimacy event and in many ways it was the deepest five consecutive days of my adulthood.
The first time I did one of these events, I obsessively took notes, tried to get everything “right,” stayed in my head, spent a lot of time crying and releasing and fell fast in love with the first man who held eye contact with me. It was a whirlwind.
The second time I did one, I still cried and released a bunch of trauma, but I took less notes. I was called out by my teachers as someone who was disconnecting from the group in pursuit of doing everything perfectly. I put away my notebook and stayed present. Life changing practice by the way.
At the third one, I embodied my sexual taboo. I moaned and groaned publicly and entered a space of sexuality I hadn’t been before.
This fourth one: holy wow. One layer was my personal practice 👉🏼opening my heart, offering my energy as a gift to the masculine, revealing and responding to the masculine, being present....I may have received the feedback from a masculine partner that my 🐍 serpent eyes hypnotized him 😍 in a practice.
The next layer was assisting: learning how to feel the energy of the space and know what it needs. To get shit done in a timely manner. To both be present at the event AND do it’s social media and capture moments without disruption. To be meticulous with set up and break down. To be patient with others and myself. To stay longer than I wanted to. To be devoted. To communicate and continue on even when I really wanted to close my eyes and pass out from exhaustion.
I had a whirlwind of emotions, I had a few temper tantrums and a whole lot of sexual/sensual embodiment I haven’t stepped into as deeply before.
I am feeling so blown open, grateful, proud and alive. Overall, I feel very blessed to have found something I am THIS devoted and passionate to in my life. ❤️
🥀💔🙏🏼🥰
