What I hear almost more than anything else in my coaching practice, small group calls and workshops is that women want to feel safe.
“I want to feel safe to reveal my heart.”
“I want to feel safe to be myself.”
“I want to feel safe to be in my feminine even at work.”
Feeling safe emotionally, financially (yes, I said it) and physically are all pieces that add up to create the feminine flow pie. In order for the Feminine to embody softness, ease, and that giggly carefree energy the Masculine craves, she must feel that she isn’t solely responsible for making the majority of the decisions, and she must feel that the decisions you’ve said you’ll follow through on, you will.
She wants to feel that when she has an unsavory emotion bubble up, he can hold space for her to release it (and sometimes that means telling her that he needs an hour to finish up his task at hand and then he’ll be all ears).
She wants to feel that if he desires spontaneous sex at 3 PM, he is also consciously aware of her 4 PM meeting and will ensure she has plenty of time beforehand to gather herself (or else she’ll be stressed the entire time, not knowing if he’s going to bring things to a close in time).
She wants to believe that if he says he’ll take care of paying off the parking ticket by Friday, he’ll do it by then. Otherwise, she’ll be tempted to ping him wondering if he actually did it. (Further leading to him feeling castrated, emasculated and untrustworthy to her — all things that will lead him to thinking, “why bother?”)
She wants to know that when she shows him some of the darker, messier pieces of her heart, he will look deep into her eyes and say, “What else, baby?”
These are all traits the Masculine can bring to the Feminine in order to guide her into the blissful state of surrender — the state he so deeply wants. The state of her utterly letting go.
It only takes one of you.
That’s one of the most beautiful things about the Feminine and Masculine dynamics…it often only takes one person embodying their “pole” to bring the other into the state they desire.
It happens time and time again in relationships. He says that he misses the carefree, bubbly, bright version of her he knew when they first met. He misses her ability to roll things off her shoulder. He misses that seductive sparkle in her eye whenever they just had a quickie. Oh, and quickies! Where did those go!?
The truth is, my Masculine friends, it’s not solely because of you that she may feel less of her heart and body surrendered, AND if there have been points in your relationship where you did not follow through on your word, you did not lead her into her heart, you did not care for her heart after sex, you did not treat her sensitivity with tender love, and you, to put it simply, did not LEAD HER, she has most likely learned to rely on herself in ways she really doesn’t want to.
Do note: of course she can hold her own.
Of course she can make her own decisions. Of course she can lead the relationship powerfully.
But you cannot have the relaxed carefree goddess archetype your Masculine heart craves if you put her in these positions to make all the decisions, provide for you the validation you may be seeking or have to steer the relationship..ship.
In fact, she may even start to resent you for it.
Because here’s the truth…
When we don’t feel safe, we close our hearts.
And no, we don’t want to close our hearts. We don’t want to nag. We don’t want to complain. We don’t thrive in states of chronic closure.
But when you let us get away with taking the lead, we secretly resent you for it. When you let our opinions dictate your choices, we are repulsed, even though we stay. When you let us get away with closing our hearts, we are angry at it.
We want you to REFUSE to settle for anything less than an open heart. We yearn for you to consciously put down your feet when we are castrating you. We desire to see your King rise when we poke and prod at your kingdom.
We will test you to see how firm your roots are. Not to shame, blame or judge you— but rather, to see if you’re strong enough to hold the wilderness we will throw at you.
Because we will. We will resist your leadership. We will disagree with your plan. We will want this over that. And sometimes it’s a true yearning — and sometimes it because we are scared to be led. We want you to be able to tell the difference.
Knowing how to respect, honor and cherish our Feminine energy while also offering your Masculine leadership to us is what will set you a part from the rest.
And — little tidbit — the more powerful and assertive your Queen is, the more she’ll want your King to pin her down with consciousness, love force and divine MIGHT. Don’t be afraid — we want to be claimed.
This is what makes her feel safe.
This is what makes her feel led. This is what will bring you, my Masculine loves, the joyful, bright, rested, OPEN feminine creature you have fallen in love with.
To be clear, I’m not saying that “feeling safe” relies on your shoulders. In fact, “feeling safe” is something someone must create themselves. “Feeling safe” is an inner knowing that must come from her own Masculine holding her Feminine.
She is responsible for teasing apart what she needs in order to create the feeling of safety, whether that means holding her own chaos without judgment, discerning how deeply she goes into her feminine and knowing who to reveal this tender part of her to.
Your responsibility, on the other hand, is creating the container of safety for her so that “feeling safe” becomes a whole lot easier. And, even better, it’s YOU she choosing to create the feeling of safety with.
What are your thoughts on all this? Share with us below!