I want to chat about a very important topic that’s been affecting me greatly in new ways.
Not only is it something that’s changing my own life, but I’ve also been watching it change the lives of my clients. It’s a discovery that has the power to release you from the bonds that have been ruling your whole being for so long.
Body image. Anxiety. Control. Fear. Rejection. Relationships. The past. Sexuality.
Ready to heal it all?
If yes, then the time has come to step into your femininity.
Full disclosure: nothing about what I’m about to say is woo-woo. This is all real, down-to-earth insight, so don’t let your eyes glaze over as you read, “step into your femininity.”
Let me explain.
I had a very lovely childhood, but somewhere along the way I picked up on some messages and internalized them. My family was so supportive of me and helped me to cultivate some of the characteristics that have made me a good leader today. But, as the old saying goes, my strength is also my weakness.
I grew up believing it was best to move on! Hurry up! Do better! Be this! Check off those boxes! Succeed! Achieve! Accomplish!
While there is nothing wrong with this, I can so obviously see how these messages trained me to have a very masculine-minded brain. I wanted to always do better, be better and never give up.
I also started to create some stories around what it meant to be feminine. The most trouble-making story I created was that femininity = weakness. On the same side of the coin, I believed that girls were crazy. They nagged. They were emotional (thank you, media). Yikes. I didn’t want any of that. So what did I do?
I dove right into being “the girl with all the guy friends.” I signed up for bodybuilding competitions. I became obsessed with having visible abs. I wanted to have a pantry full of supplements instead of yummy nourishment (or chocolate!).
This desire to become a mental meathead manifested issues in my life financially, spiritually, emotionally and relationally. I became less confident in my voice. I became less confident with my sexuality and body (though, that was an issue I had long before bodybuilding). I messed up my hormones and experienced the disappearance of my menstrual cycle over and over. I hid my emotions out of fear that they would make me seem weak. I would try to do everything myself. I was out of touch with the lust and hunger for life that so many others had. I also had a difficult time both making quality friendships with girls and attracting quality partners (I attracted feminine men who I walked all over, and they were attracted to me for my masculine qualities. It’s funny how we so often want what we don’t have, but bash it when we see it in someone we don’t think should have it. So happy to be out of this cycle!).
After several years of bodybuilding and several eating disorders, I had a beautiful “come to Jesus” moment where I realized I was done with beating my already perfect body up. I was tired of being a slave to the scale and to a body fat percentage. I wanted to wake up in the morning and know that I would focus on big things, not little stupid things like what I was going to eat and how many workouts I would get in.
Fast forward quite a few years and here we are now! I’m now proud to say that I have found a passion for empowering women to regain their confidence, independence and femininity. My goal is to help as many women as possible understand that they are not only worthy of love, but they’re also needed in this world. There is only one you, and if you spend your whole life trying to be somebody else, there will be a huge “you sized” hole in the world, never to be filled. Do your job, and fill that hole.
So, without further ado, I want to share with you 5 of the ways stepping into my femininity has changed my life for the better:
1. I’M HAPPY WITH MY BODY
When I had a masculine mentality, I felt ashamed of having a soft body. It was embarrassing to me, as I believed having a six pack portrayed discipline, determination, structure and toughness (all very masculine tendencies). Since I hadn’t fully accepted my body unconditionally, I felt embarrassed of having these totally feminine qualities about my figure. Since I’ve stepped into my femininity, I’ve seen how truly beautiful a female’s body is with its softness and curves. Not only do I believe it compliments our counterparts, but it exemplifies the softness I want to feel on the inside.
2. I LIVE BY INTUITION
Masculine mindsets are logic-based, whereas feminine mindsets are more intuition and feelings-based. Gawd, it feels good to let my feelings govern my path. Of course, I believe in a healthy dose of both heart and head but ever since I’ve learned how to consult with my intuition, I’ve stopped over-thinking everything.
“Whenever we need to make a very important decision it is best to trust our instincts, because reason usually tries to remove us from our dream, saying that the time is not yet right. Reason is afraid of defeat, but intuition enjoys life and its challenges.”
-Paulo Coelho, author of The Alchemist
3. I FEEL EVERY EMOTION- NOT JUST THE CUTE ONES
I used to be so embarrassed by the “unattractive” emotions that would come pouring out whenever I was upset about something. To avoid looking weak, I would bottle it up. I would try to look tough. I’d put on a smug face and say, “Well I didn’t care about that anyways.” Since stepping into my truth, I’ve allowed myself to feel all the feelings regardless of how they may appear to the outside world. Sometimes that means crawling into a ball and having a good cry, or calling my mom on the phone in childish hysteria. Other times it might mean putting on my introvert cape and going into the mountains for a hike in solitude. Whatever it may be, I let my emotions guide the way and tell me what they need. And it all feels so good.
4. I’VE BROKEN THROUGH SEXUAL SHAME
I’ve always carried a sense of shame around sex, my body and being with a man intimately. It could be some decently good sex, but I’d still over think everything about it during it, which of course would hinder me from actually enjoying anything about it. I used to say, “I’m not a very sexual person” to convince myself that’s why I didn’t enjoy it. The truth was, I just felt guilt and shame. I had some stories I was carrying around that I needed to release so that I could truly be with my partner with an open heart and a deep ability to love. Thank you body, for giving that back to me.
5. I’VE TAKEN OFF THE PANTS
Being an assertive woman, I used to attract very unassertive men. In other words, I wore the pants and they let me run a lot of the show. For many reasons, this didn’t work out well. It was too much pressure for me to fill these shoes, and it was a shame for him to not feel fulfilled in his leadership abilities. After a break up in 2016, I vowed to take off the pants and approach relationships with more softness and an ability to follow so that I would attract a partner who’s strong and ready to lead. Of course, that’s exactly what happened and I’ve never been so happy to follow. (Not to mention, a man with leadership qualities is sexy as sexy can be)
These are only 5 of the ways stepping into my femininity has changed my life for the better. Stick around, because I’ll be diving into this deeper and deeper in the near future.
In the mean time, comment below: What you want to know about balancing the feminine and masculine?