I like to roll out of bed around 7 AM and start my day with coffee (might be organic, might not- don’t care). Following that, I break my fast quickly with a couple pieces of toast as well as a yogurt bowl including berries and peanut butter. There’s not a single Intermittent Fast lingering in the corners of my Boulder apartment.
Keeping me busy is a steady stream of client calls diving deeper into her questions on how to: create more money, make an online business, find a dream partner, divorce a terrible one, detach from the identity of her children, let go of a bad time, create a good one, start fresh in a new city, sever a toxic relationship and so on.
Around lunchtime I cruise to the kitchen to have a bowl of grains, whatever meat I want and some stem-free broccoli that’s most likely been steamed, meaning the water took out some of the most viable nutrients.
After lunch, I’ll enjoy a Pilates class and potentially a podcast interview where I sit down for a nice chat that’s not about food and where we discuss real topics at bay in the world such as: women speaking up, spirituality, relationships, dating, self-love, worthiness, self-confidence, dreaming bigger and making more money doing what we love.
Fast-forward to dinner, and you might find me leisurely holding a murder mystery book in one hand as I stir a pot with whatever type of noodles I want in the other. There could be a nightshade sauce cooking or possibly something made with fatty-fat-fat cheese, but I don’t know for sure because it’s always a surprise.
What follows dinner might be more food. Even past seven.
Or it could be a glass of wine or a bowl of cereal. Even Halo Top low calorie birthday cake ice cream could be sitting in its cardboard container in my lap because to me, what’s yummy is yummy. Low calorie and not full fat isn’t a crime, and I have no intention of shaming it for being itself.
I sleep soundly each night and wake up each morning energized. I have regular digestion. I take fish oils, multivitamins and a probiotic.
So what will the New Health Obsessed World see that’s wrong with me? Answer: everything.
The wheat is going to block my gut from absorbing crucial nutrients. My dairy is going to slow my energy, create skin issues and manifest life-changing depression. My lack of local, farmer’s market purchased sprouts will decrease my potential for high-vibe energy. The absence of morning bone broth will, without a doubt, correlate with eventual lack of empathy. The maca-matcha-cacao-goji-collagen-powder concoction that’s not gracing my lips is probably to blame for my lack of financial abundance on Monday. The fight Katie and I had last year is because I’m not swapping coconut yogurt for Greek. My dog has diarrhea because he’s so pained I’m eating regular ice cream instead of frozen banana mush in a bowl.
Look, if you love all the things I mentioned above I’m very happy for you- honest to goodness. If you’re not happy with doing all the things above because they are making you crazy and giving you a poor digestive system that struggles to function the way it did when you were a worry-free, pooping five year old, then maybe it’s time you accept an invitation back to Fear Food Land.
On one side, I’m so glad that the world is learning more about new herbs, spices, ingredients, plants and fruits. I’m stoked that restaurants are sharing awareness around calorie consumption in their food for people who have no knowledge of it (though I fully know it can be triggering for some people and I advise you not to go to those restaurants).
But then again, on the other side, the health world is creating a whole bunch of little orthorexics without them even realizing what’s happening. IT HAPPENS FAST.
Before you know it, your favourite once-a-week treat at Jimmy Johns has now become the bane of your existence. You feel guilty for ever flashing seductive eyes in its direction. You’re trying to train yourself to be disgusted by white bread and deli meat. Sure, you’ll go to the restaurant with your friends and sit down but you won’t order anything because, you’ll say, you’re trying a new diet.
Some people truly need to shape up their diet…for the sake of their life. If that’s you, this post probably isn’t going to be super applicable. I’m writing for a specific person. And yes, I have to actually write that out or people will be very mad (though I expect they will be mad anyways).
I’m writing for the person who has found themselves on the Struggle Bus of Deprivation and Obsession. Yes, that’s a real bus and it’s haunted as hell. I invite you to get off. Because you can…at any time.
If you’re eating quinoa because “a seed is better than a grain”, even though you hate it, I gotta let you in on a secret. The best diet is a diet you enjoy. Misery outweighs any benefits that quinoa could potentially provide for you and your body will finally begin to relax during food time if it’s excited to eat.
I used to have the worst issues with digestion when I was eating nothing but chia pudding and green smoothies but I kept doing it because of my fear for eating anything else. I was eating as much fat as possible (p.s. fat is awesome) even though my body runs really well on carbohydrates.
What I continuously found online was that healthy eating gurus, doctors and scientists didn’t like high carb diets (unless they were vegans and therefore restricting meat and dairy) for various science-y reasons that I didn’t study myself, and so I raised my white flag to eat high fat everything.
Look, like I mentioned earlier I LOVE FAT. I really, really do. But I also love carbohydrates. Sometimes white ones, sometime brown ones. I also love caffeine and dairy.
Green smoothies give me an upset stomach. Chia pudding doesn’t really fill me up. Spaghetti squash is amazing, but it’s not the “real deal” to me.
While I will eat all of the above, and sometimes often, I also eat everything else. This is what balance is to me. And guess what? I’m alive. I’m breathing. I’m healthy. I’m fit. I’ve got a sex drive. My skin is clear. My brain is sharp.
I’m living my best life and it’s not because of my diet. In fact, it’s because I finally said “f*ck it” to food and said “Let’s do this thang!” to life. I took my focus away from food blogs and nutrition websites and turned it over to Spotify, Thought Catalog and Netflix/Chill. I dove deeper into my business, I created something special with my clients, I spent more time with my family, I traveled and I got out of my head.
I built a better business, body and life…and food had very little to do with it. That said, it has given me a lot in return. It’s given me life and freedom. I’m so grateful I’ve finally stopped judging it so harshly and instead, learned to live in harmony with everything it has to offer.
What love affair with food have you been missing out on?
Love this post, Maddy! I am so inspired by many of the topics you cover, but I especially enjoy when you write about breaking free from the chains of food and exercise. I used to be so afraid of all those foods. Now, I enjoy them too. I was so sick of making excuses not to eat real food because I thought there was always something “healthier and better” out there. That life is miserable. Thank YOU!!
Thank you for reading Kathryn! I’m so grateful you enjoyed this post.
Eating organic fruits and vegetables is not just about our bodies but about our earth. Grains, inorganic coffee, and many commercially grown foods are responsible for destroying the earth and animals and their ecosystem. Yes, people need to heal obsessive relationships w food that are actually playing out their anxieties etc. But it’s not a time where we can say fuck it let’s have whatever we want. The earth can’t survive that. It is possible to heal unhealthy relationship with food AND eat in a way that is healthy and harmonious with our earth. It’s not just about us.
I couldn’t agree more with Emilie. And I find it smug to so carelessly take shots at eating healthy. I eat sweets, I indulge. But I do not disregard 30 years of studies from well-known universities that give us insight into dairy and how it causes inflammation. White bread? Read about why GMO are detrimental to your healh. Forget being thin – just be healthy
Thank you! Thank you! AND Thank you!!!!
You’re so welcome, Kim!
I’ve been on a diet roller coaster all my life which involved ever-changing moralizations about food (one week carbs are bad, the next carbs are good, the next it’s only certain types of carbs, the next it’s all carbs but only in specific combinations with other macros….).
In the midst of all that, I did the worst thing ever – I became a nutritionist. To add to all the media information and societal pressure overloading my mind, I added scientific study (which varied from textbook to textbook). I didn’t last long in the field because I found myself unable to advise clients on how to eat – because there is nothing out there that works for everyone. Nutrition science is presently where surgery was in the 1600’s – we don’t know very much at all.
A few months ago, I said to myself “I just can’t do this anymore. I am 37 years old. I was 12 the first time I went on a diet. I’ve lost 25 years thinking about food and how to make my thighs smaller, and I just CANNOT. DO. THIS. ANYMORE.”
I vowed to stop weighing myself. It’s been two months since I stepped on a scale. Besides my doctor, who actually needs to know my weight? Why do I need to know? I’ve started reading your blog and practicing eating what I want – and it is a practice because after a lifetime of restriction, tuning in to what I LIKE and what my body craves takes trial and error.
Maddy, reading this particular post was like a permission slip to continue on this journey which feels so right to my heart & soul despite the opposition from everything out there. (EVERYTHING & EVERYONE. Because in our society, accepting your cellulite means you are a failure and a very bad and lazy person.)
I ate two donuts yesterday. I don’t know how many calories they had and I don’t care.
I ate two donuts yesterday and the world didn’t come to an end.
I ate two donuts yesterday and they were yummy. 🙂
I’m probably going to eat donuts again today.
Jasmin, I LOVE this. Thank you for sharing- I so acknowledge you for eating those donuts and allowing yourself to enjoy them to the fullest
Food is JUST food. You rock, love!
Great post! I also love listening to your podcast.
Thank you Klara!
Thank you so much Maddy! That’s exactly what I needed to hear today!
I’ve been on the road to food freedom for quite a bit. While I have made great steps forward I still fall back into old restricting patterns sometimes. Just today I found myself thinking and researching about wether I should stop eating dairy.
I WON’T.
Your post reminded me what it feels like living my life to the fullest according to my own rules. Thank you!
Lena,
You are so welcome! I’m grateful you found my post if it’s the reminder you needed to hear.
Keep doing what’s best for you!
Maddy
Love this post! So refreshing and honest about eating what makes us feel good even if it doesn’t meet the criteria for the latest health craze or what is meant to be the best for us. Eat all the carbs and whatever foods you enjoy, regardless of what others might think! I am trying my hardest to not be so fearful of food and ensure that each meal i eat i genuinely enjoy the ingredients of and savour it! Makes such a difference – after years of avoiding bread and carbs it is nice to actually enjoy them and know they are benefiting my health! Your journey Maddy is so inspiring 🙂
I love your approach so much. I was diagnosed with a chronic illness two years ago, and quickly learned that I was gluten and dairy sensitive. Cutting out these foods made a huge difference, but then I was told by alternative health practitioners (and the internet), that I should also avoid corn, soy, vegetable oils, sugar, and all grains. Then the documentaries said to avoid meat. My hair started falling out, and I thought – oh no, what else can I cut out to heal my body!? Needless to say, you have inspired me to begin eating fear foods again and I feel so much better already. My skin which was all broken out eating the supposedly skin-clearing raw fruits and vegetables, has not a blemish now that I am eating grains again!
This is music to my ears, Jordan. I so acknowledge you for moving forward and eating those “fear foods” regardless of what all the gurus are saying! Obviously your body loves what it loves and thrives off of those foods (like mine). Keep protecting yourself by letting go of those dogmatic rules even if it means to stop watching/reading about health for a bit. I support you in your journey.
Thank you for commenting!
Hello.
I have been on and off the fear food band wagon for some years now. I definitely have metabolic slow down and poor digestion. I feel im going around in a circle trying to heal skin issues. I go from restriction to eat for heat and back again when flare ups appear. I know the way is to push through but that voice to restrict dairy due to acne or wheat due to gut trouble and fatigue is so strong. My temperature is definitely on the low side and I can hear you saying just eat the f…king food, I know. I get to 4 days of eating everything and im restricting again. Its a bitch. What to do? Its definitely fear, food fear. Restrictions are hell and health issues are hell. How to heal ? Thanks for listening. Keepmupmthe good work there are a lot of people stuck in the food fear pattern.
Maddy, I’m 60 lbs overweight, coming up on my 62nd birthday and in severe crisis – again – about how out of shape and weak I am. I can’t seem to find the motivation to ditch the weight, get exercise. I know how and what to do. The why just isn’t there. Any wisdom?
you need to write another book.. also you should invite your readers (like me and thousands of others) to share their journey to food freedom and include these in the book. It’s time to let go of the craziness around food ..whether it’s about health, weight, ethical issues. Keep preaching sister… for all those who object and challenge you, there’ll be more people who ate grateful for your message. I actually live you x
Aw thank you for the sweet words! I’m so grateful to hear that my work has been influencing you positively. I’ll definitely be thinking about your suggestion on writing another book and including the stories of others. I love the idea. <3
should say.. I actually *love* you!!