There is something called ‘pre-resentment‘ I focus on in many of my coaching calls. It’s when you set your partner up for failure by not presenting them with an opportunity to even try.

For example…

You ask, “Why don’t you ever take the lead?” but yet you already booked the reservations before he could reach for the phone.
You say, “I’m not going to try to bother opening first… cause I know he won’t even realize I’m making amends,” when in reality, you just don’t want to.
You say, “There’s no freaking sacred space for my altar!” but yet you haven’t taken initiative to create the space.
You say, “I cant be expressive during an embodiment session cause he’ll think I’m weird,” but yet it’s only that think you’re weird — it’s just easier to put the focus on him.
You say, “He wouldn’t be able to handle my tears,” but yet, you’ve never cried in front of him without any attachments to his reaction.

You see, we often set our lovers up to fail because:

1. It fits into the story that “nobody can do it right like me.”
2. It fits into the story that “I’m always giving 100% and he’s not.”
3. It keeps you distracted from your own feelings since the attention is on him.
4. It keeps you comfortable in your chronic disapproval (both towards others and towards yourself).
5. Lord knows what will happen if you actually surrender and it’s not done as perfectly as you wanted! (It will all be okay. I promise)

You see, we stay in control because we don’t want to feel what it’s like to be out of it. We put our attention on others so that we don’t have to put it on ourselves. We choose our stories over our sovereignty. But that all stops now.

If you’re made to walk the path of Devotional Love — it means you are also willing to partake in Devotional Surrender. Devotional Messiness. Devotional Not-So-Seriousness.

This post was originally shared on Instagram HERE.

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