“Love is always conditional” is a wound we have the power to heal in our relationships. We sync up with romantic partners, friends, and our chosen family to heal this very kink in the nervous system.
Most bodies believe “if I do wrong, I am left” whether it’s physical, emotional or spiritual.
Therefore, when there is a fight, especially in love, partners close their hearts and close their arms as a way to, quite literally, protect their tenderness.
The easiest escape for that tenderness is: passive aggressiveness, outbursts, defensiveness and chronic disappointment.
Love does not blossom in these places. Love is not created in these places.
You cannot be committed to being right if you want to be committed to being love. Because “right” is man made and love is God made.
In light of anti-racism conversations, as well, these open hearted tactics of communication are needed now more than ever from white folks. We are the ones that must listen and say “that makes sense” instead of stomping off, defensive in our discomfort.
You must bring deep listening (pretend you’re in a game show that requires memory skills to win the one million dollars) to actually hear what your love is saying. So do that. Separate from your ego and barriers — and remember this one truth: love needs an opening.
Ask yourself — Is what I’m about to say creating an opening? Or further sewing up the seams? Commit to the opening.