I used to believe that acting “like a girl” meant being weak. I thought that if I had too many emotions about something non-significant, I was being a typical “silly” girl who couldn’t control herself.
I feared that if I cared about something too much I would look needy, insecure, or dramatic.
I believe that these beliefs I developed at a young age contributed to my eating disorders and my bodybuilding phase. I was obsessed with appearing masculine, always walking around the gym as if I were a big meathead with only eyes for protein shakes and squats. I wanted to take creatine and get abs. I had more pictures in my phone of muscles than anything else.
When I felt broken-hearted, I experienced more pain than I would have because I felt shame for feeling broken-hearted. On top of being hurt, I had an additional layer of disgust with myself for being weak.
Do you resonate with any of this?
My uncomfortableness with my body and feminine energy manifested issues with my relationships as well. I continued to attract feminine men because I was so “into” my masculine side. I didn’t feel sexy in the bedroom. I felt the need to always lead. I tried to take control in every situation. There was so much off balance in my life emotionally, physically and spiritually that it took a big break up for me to realize what was going on. I realized that I was shoving away my feminine energy out of fear. I was running away from all the beautiful things about being a soft, feminine creature because of the stories I had developed about being a woman.
Watch this video to get my top 5 ways to step back into your beautiful femininity.
1. Uncover negative beliefs and old stories
Because of hearing things like “she’s dramatic,” “nagging wife” and “you’re not a typical girl,” I developed beliefs about what it meant to be girlie. The first thing you must do if you want to step back into your feminine is become familiar with these stories you are carrying around. I recommend when you realize you’re fighting an emotion, judging another woman or judging yourself, write down the belief that’s coming up. Once you know something, you can never not know it, so this practice will help you to become familiar with the made-up ideas that are holding you back from stepping into your power.
2. Do movement that feels sexy and intuitive
If you’re currently doing something very structured, intense and driven, maybe it’s time to try out something more intuitive and soft. It doesn’t have to be easy, but maybe there’s a sense of creativity in it. When I first left CrossFit and bodybuilding, I started doing pole dancing and that was huge for me. I started to feel really sexy (read: awkward), soft and feminine when I danced. I later started doing yoga, which has been my choice of movement for years now, and it has really helped me to listen to my body instead of constantly push it with a masculine force.
3. Retreat and go inward
Women’s bodies are incredible. We have cycles, stages, yearnings, beginnings and ends. In a fast-paced society, it’s difficult to know exactly when you need to “go dark” and take some time for yourself but typically, your body will let you know. Your mind will want to shut off and your introverted spirit will want some quality time. Don’t be afraid to ask for more help in the work place during this time, or say no to requests made of you. Give yourself the gift of going inward so you can reconnect with your natural cycles, just the way Mother Nature intended.
4. Change your language
Become familiar with how you talk about yourself. Do you hurry and verbally put yourself down first before others get a chance? Do you feel awkward when others give you a compliment? Do you say “I’m sorry!” on autpilot 30 times a day? Again, keep a running list of how you speak about yourself and begin to watch for words you say that are decreasing your confidence. Some to begin cutting out now are: can’t, try, sorry, just and maybe.
5. Share (don’t hoard) your feelings
Have you ever been totally and utterly bummed that your crush led you on for awhile but then decided it wasn’t for him? Did you feel silly for feeling SUPER INTO him when “clearly” he didn’t feel the same way? Whenever an event like this happened in my life, I would be embarrassed and shameful for having feelings that weren’t reciprocated. And then I would feel shameful for feeling shameful. It’s a never ending cycle!
Choose to not let shame get the best of you by sharing with a close friend. Open up to somebody that’s not going to add to the shame, but will listen to your feelings without judgement.
Practice these 5 tips daily and take note of how you start to feel as your femininity comes out more and more. Uncomfortable, is it? Weird? Awkward? That’s okay. If you’ve been fueling yourself up on masculine “do it yourself” energy for a long time, it might feel really new to take the backseat and let somebody else lead for a change. I promise, like with anything, it gets more and more comfortable with time and soon, you’ll realize all of the many, beautiful things being in your feminine will do for you.
Comment below: what have you done that’s really helped you to step into your femininity? What advice do you have for somebody just starting out?
Want to dive deeper into this topic with me personally? Come to my next Meetup in Boulder, CO called Breaking Stereotypes: How to Be a Soft, Feminine Creature with a Voice.
Not in Colorado? No biggie. Apply for my 1:1 coaching program HERE to speak with me individually.